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Proseful Poetics: “The Subjective Escape” March 21, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.
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I am a homeopathic, hypochondriac, sociopath
and all these paths lead to one thing – alcoholism
but there is no need to check me in or be committed
because the alcohol is acting as the sedative.

To heal the cold wounds of a heated heart
and to straighten the streak of a head made dizzy
of its own causes, from numerous losses
so me and Freud are having a long debate.

This brings me to the loose conclusion
that I’ve been misdiagnosed and self-medicated
and overdose once broke me into fragments
obliteration became root of new celebration.

In this cathartic, catastrophic, and calming explosion
my unquenched sense of empty accidental events is reached
and this existential rebirth lasts long through the day
as my slurred search for words cannot convey the thoughtlessness.

The bliss, though not exuberation, leaving my head empty
I am left to walk through the day free of expectations
so that every peculiar happening elicits curious expression
and my spirit lays somewhere between omnipotent and subjective.

But the escape is destined to end as I crash back into the hole
where exposure to irritating light was previously limited
so then I am blinded and grasping for sense of self,
and now, even in my ultimate abstraction, I am selfish.

My selfish and unconcious reaction to masochistic self-oppresion
ends only as I awake again and find the oppresion of others
in part because I understand that subjective self-reliance
is almost impossible and impractical in a world where mere existence is a struggle.

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