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Welcome to Tommorow (the same as yesterday) August 16, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.
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I woke up and made a cup of coffee, cut open a watermelon, sat down for my mid-afternoon breakfast. Why not just turn on the television over my brunch? Sure, catch up on what is moving and shaking the world instead of just lurking the web for mp3s and free porn …
Live from CNN it’s Wolf Blitzer on alert level Turner 3 (equilvient to Defcon 4, equilvient to John Kerry’s election imminent). The “cyber-terrorists” have put out a new worm that has shuts down our computers after we turn them on, and we’re sure it can’t just be us because WABC says it can’t find those naked pictures of Hillary Clinton anymore. Even the New York Times is having trouble setting the news agenda for us. Is this the future of cable infotainment or just another slow news day?
A man who does not know what SP2 is seems genuinely concerned. Wolf Blitzer keeps asking their technology correspondant how this will effect the US, while he keeps telling us of new reports of the issue from Japan and Germany. Only these three countries have enough workaholics to find these problems after business hours.
Finally a name to the virus! CNN, king of all news media, has learned to use Trend Micro. Now if only they could get their PCs working again then they wouldn’t have to cut into Lou Dobbs tonight because the NYC office is swamped by this threat.
I sit here wondering if I should just sit this one out. Hell that’s why I turned on the TV to begin with, right? If I wanted to learn something meaningful about the problem I’d already be using the internet instead of zoning out to a bunch of unimportant stories praising the work of “Great Leader”. Surely, the terror alert system has just entered Code Orange or High risk of terrorist attack via the internet. Those bastards always trying to take away our freedoms – to pirate and pillage and download porn before our wife walks in the room, by slowing down our internet connections!

Just then Wolf Blitzer asks his clueless correspondant if it would be a good idea to just turn off our computers just in case. He agrees by telling us “turn it off and just walk away from you computers. TURN ON YOUR TELEVISIONS SO YOU CAN KNOW WHEN THIS THREAT HAS PASSED.”

Yes Bubba, that is exactly when I knew it was safe to turn my computer back on.

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Comments»

1. skewgee - August 18, 2005

hint for those who still don’t get it – google and yahoo are expected to have ad revenue equal to the major television networks by the end of the year 2005.


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