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OCD on blogs September 21, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.
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There is something about blogging that brings out the passive aggressive, manic depresive in me. It is an open format. There is no way of measuring progress outside of readership. No one to pat you on the back and say “nice work buddy”, only to criticize meanial spelling errors and disagreement in assumptions. The only work that garners motivational feedback is my least favorite muse – misery. I am naturally predisposed to embrace sympathy and comfort when I am alone with my computer. Some of you are as well. This only leaves me to write entries far and few between of actual inspired quality, sacrificing to the whims of a merciless serendipity calling me to write of things. In by night, out by morning.
I am what fellow internet junkies call a comment whore. It ought to be a flattering term, as I crave feedback on my work, but it is not. Prompt feedback is difficult to deliver when sarcasm cannot be carefully denoted on such a medium. Such a brothel as the internet has spread a communicable disease – blogging. Every couple days I look at my blog to see what people thought.
I lie. I check my blog more than I check my e-mail, which adds up to several times a day on particularly lonely/boring days. It should make me feel important when I find new comments and such, yet I feel more alive when I am offline so to say. It is truly pathetic, especially at times of night when a normal person my age might be exploring their sexuality with a partner or making friends over coffee. So I compensate by writing a blog entry that will ganner me the comments I so crave.
Of course I am exagerating this problem, but certain parts of it remain true. I exagerate things for comic effect or to compell you, dear reader. It is only the times I am not exagerating when the truth is far worse than I am willing to put it. Ho, ho. Now you know why I don’t talk about the military-petroleum-pharmacutical-industrial complex. What a pity, I know.

That problem is this – without comments, how I am to know whether to keep writing or quit. Bad feedback can be better than no feeedback, for sure, but how else then? I have no one to help guide my writing. No one to tell me what I’m really good at or what kinds of writing I commit hackery to. (no one to tell me when a sentance ends in a preposition for that matter). By myself I can’t even justify using spell check, because it is usually wrong when I spell words it doesn’t know.
Sometimes feedback can be a poor indicator too. It is often my most trivial of entries that garner the most comments, and the longer more important ones that ganner none. Those are the one’s i need to hear back from people about, but how could they when they don’t have the time to read it?

Ultimately I am stuck. There is no end to a living, breathing blog. I have given up hope months ago, just before my recent flurry of blog entries, as to making a blog capable of being published as a book. It really set in when I realized my hero, Dr. Thomson, wouldn’t get published today if he wrote to the editor like he did so long ago.
More importantly, there is no metric to measure when this blog is finished being written. The change is continuous, and even the theme is oft forgotten. How do you know when to stop writing? How do you stop writing? Is there a blogger’s patch, or methodone for cracktastic internet junkies? I’d like to know…

Oh, and Leave a comment

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Comments»

1. eazymeat6969 - September 21, 2005

nice work buddy 😉

2. eazymeat6969 - September 21, 2005

no anyway, blogger’s dilemma….thriving on feedback…hrmm. this isn’t something you can blame on other people (with their lack of feedback), and it’s best to accept that people aren’t indiffeent to you so much as what you say speaks for itself. (in my case, i have little to add because you voice exactly what i wanna say.)

and is livejournal really ideal for constructive criticism? probably not. when i read what you have to say, it functions better as a document of yourself. and to a point, i have to sit back and merely be content as an *observer* of your rants.

but of course, my appreciation runs deep.

3. skewgee - September 21, 2005

man, i hope their not just rants some days. i hope they are insights at least sometimes

4. sweetdagger - September 21, 2005

You need to get out more and get coffee. That won’t lessen your OCD any, it may just make your eljay entries a little more fucked up. Maybe you are craving more physical conversation. Now I know the internet can be a good friend, you just type, it just listens, but you cannot surely expect this to be so constructive. There will be faults either way, either you are not keeping up to task, or your friends list suddenly seems nonexistant. Maybe you have left them all befuddled and lost of the right words to grasp. In time, my friend, in time.

Maybe you need to write a novel.

5. betsushi - September 21, 2005

you’re a good writer. keep it up!

6. skewgee - September 21, 2005

my god. you actually read my post. no really, read it perfectly. thank yous

7. skewgee - September 21, 2005

photobooth goodness

8. anonymous - September 21, 2005

the long posts are more time consuming to read, but since I make long posts alot, I should make time to read yours
-Steve

9. skewgee - September 21, 2005

is that a closet compliment? i think you of all people best understand this frustration.
then again, you use your blog for venting personal things. i appreciate the brave honesty you give. it is an example i ought to follow…

PS – should I link your blog for my friends again?

10. nilsinedeo - September 21, 2005

I exagerate things for comic effect or to compell you, dear reader.

That’s what I do, when I’m in a mood. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make people laugh.

That being said, I am going to continue with my pissy rants about random shit until either
a) the intarwebbernets dies, or
b) I forget how to use it.

I realize that I will eventually die, but by then I’ll just be bloging vicariously through my children. The poor bastards. 😀

11. skewgee - September 22, 2005

lololololololololololololololololololololololol!

yeah, i know you don’t want to hear any more of my political rants – but you don’t have to read them

12. nilsinedeo - September 22, 2005

I don’t have a clue why that was so funny, but ok. 😀

and QUIT READING MY MIIIIIIIIIIIND. 😉 I enjoy them sometimes, but politics makes me more pissy than anything else.

Politics and driving.


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