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Saturday night, sexual frustration September 25, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.
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I know I said I wouldn’t post this weekend, but I’m bored and lonely. This is where you’re supposed to shake me and tell me to get out again, as i have the past two nights. I had people over here, went down to TJ’s for coffee and convo after they left. But now that I’m back at a reasonable hour, the loneliness sets back in.

It goes back a little on this subject. Where most of you know heartbreak and betrayal, I know only regret and loneliness. I decided a year or two ago (it’s been a blur since then) take myself out of the game for awhile. That is unnatural for a hopeless romantic, but necessary. I had persued too many women who just weren’t interested in me or were still involved with their partners. I became convinced that man will always want what he can’t have, and decline what comes easily – my interest became that of antagonism. I had to pull myself out of the game if I wanted to live. It wasn’t easy, and there was temptation laying everywhere; I probably passed on many good people. That hurt just as much.
My sexual barometer has been fucked up as a result. Not that I have a lot of experience here – only been in one semi-serious relationship, and the rest had been sporadic dates. Hell, I haven’t ever successfully asked a girl out, but by the time they asked me out the feeling was mutual. I’m just a shy person by nature, who has much more fun when this shell gets cracked. And I have little self-confidence after being spurned by so many stove foxes. Now I have confidence in myself, but there’s still the second law of male sexual dynamics – if you think a girl is attracted to you, you are wrong. The inverse would also be true, but I can’t go around asking for dates from people I’m not attracted to.
Will somebody tell me if meeting up for a cup of coffee means just going out for coffee and getting conversation through it?
So my sexual barometer was screwed up and has been out of use for quite awhile now, on top of never really being used so much in the past. Go figure. It is frustrating. I still feel that phantom body next to me in my bed. Depressing, ya know. I can totally empathize with your heartbreak, but I’ve been lonely all along. That hasn’t been by choice for a little while now. So somebody here tell me to make some effort, or to go for it. cause the motivation is there, I’m just not sure how to do ask a girl out anymore…
Honestly, the merlot is catching up with me by now. I’ll quit writing before I get ahead of myself here.

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Comments»

1. homeless_spork - September 25, 2005

I’m proud that you actually posted a personal post… but I can’t really help from here.

2. skewgee - September 25, 2005

I would be lying if I said it was my second, after this, this, this, this, and this.
Not to mentions all of my poetry scattered through here.
somethime my rants are very personal, because paranoia is a very personal experience

3. privateninja - September 26, 2005

d00d, we NEED to have a man to man talk…

I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about and I think I can help you.

4. skewgee - September 26, 2005

i’m sure this explains a lot then.

let me know, and it will be done

5. sweetdagger - September 27, 2005

Getting coffee is whatever it ends up being.

You just never know.

6. skewgee - September 27, 2005

you have helped me 5%, with an answer that i now believe only my male friends can give to me, in limited knowledge, straight


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