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shatter… October 31, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.

I scurry into my shell, ready to roll over and down the hill in my armadillo armor. It’s only a ride. Live learn love. Break my heart darlin’, don’t disapointment. choose life. other vague and recycled statements.
I’m all ready to be myself again. Cartwheelin down that worn road. Three’s company too, but i’m all crowded out in the compound. And even outside the air that we breathe is choking. Sad eyed glimmer of the lone man. Grizzly beard is about to go. Cat might be cozy.
IT’s only a ride, and the ride might seem like fun for the whole family, but it’s really dnagerous. and i’m tall enough to ride. and i’m not chickening out this time. I’ll shake my neck in the styrofoam straps like i’m choking a chicken’s neck. and then i’ll ride it again.
full cycle, begining again. fall’s poisonous perfume of pheromones and music is paralysing. and the music makes me want to sing. like an aural hallucination i am haunted by times past at this regular interval. it goes up and down, round and round, spewing vomit on my bathroom floor and in between my sheets.
possesed by possesion i an snared, like a caged beast. this stray cat needs to roam alleys at night. not that this rollick through the open fields hasn’t been liberating, but i got fenced in again. i put up that fence. it’s time to climb over it. and getting over is only the first step. let my stove fox go. and meet a tabby in the alley again.
what am i chasing? the fox hunt is over, and it’s back to the gentleman’s club for strong talk and cigars. poltics and business intertwine. put aside my personal life over a beer, letting the ladies have their tea. it’s only a matter of time.
it isn’t true you know. time doesn’t heal all wounds. it just makes the wounds of past become more faded in the foggy forrests of the past. it might ease the pain, but time alone doesn’t resolve anything. i’ve got to learn to forgive myself and let things go. letting myself move on, alone.



1. anonymous - October 31, 2005

great truths. you’re correct, for better and for worse. (and for worse than that.)

but like oscar wilde said, and i say often, life is far too important to be taken seriously.

2. homeless_spork - October 31, 2005

the last paragraph is very true, its almost touching on the mysterious deleted post that you just gave me trouble about. We should talk sometime, I am forgetting how healing ti is to get everything in the open.

3. answersforjane - October 31, 2005

hey, matt.
you’re beautiful.
i left you a note on the door.

4. sweetdagger - October 31, 2005

fantastic entry!

p.s… being broken is being disappointed.
You will learn this.

5. skewgee - November 1, 2005

thank you for enocuraging me to be honest. the environment seems safe when I have yet another reassuring friend, telling me it’s allright to say what I am thinking about. I’d love to talk to you directly about things. maybe in person?

6. skewgee - November 1, 2005

and thank you for it

7. skewgee - November 1, 2005

rules are made to be broken. and boundries. and hearts.

thank you again for your kind words and keen judgement. they have been noted. i appreciate and owe you as well.

8. sweetdagger - November 1, 2005

hearts do not collapse (unless you’re having a heart failure)…
It’s all upstairs.
It’s all emotion, and excess.
Your heart cannot
feel, or comprehend.

9. skewgee - November 1, 2005

“Well, it’s all in your mind. it’s all in your mind
and i wanted to be, i wanted to be, wanted to be – your good friend”
– Beck, Sea Change
“IT’s all in your mind” – third attempt

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