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Drunken LJ entry #113 November 4, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.
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Well then, here I am again, poised and primed to write the prototypical live journal entry. Then again, we’re all good friends, aren’t we? is that a problem? wanna make something of it. she would like to be friends (and she is reading this entry).

It’s poetic justice; for a poet. Seems like well before I started this journal I was of the same disposition. At that time, though begining in November of 2003, I had decided to take myself of the market, as it was ripe for dating inflation. I was sick of jumping from girl to girl, fantasy to fantasy, of disapointment and non-action. So I took a little walk alone for about a year and a half (or so). Didn’t make any effort to pursue anyone to date (or even try dating), and shot down lots of good people in the process. Selfish seclusion.
I dove straight forward into politics; a futile gesture towards no solution. Replaced the spiritual energy in my life to the political antagonism. This from the antagonism of relationships. It allowed me to wise up, yes. But it also transfered a futile effort at changing the world from trying to live fantasy realtionships. Totally necessary.
Completely unfulfilling. I don’t need much more than the back of my hand, but who was I kidding? I am a hopeless romantic.

Really though – I like her, but I am her friend. I’m a lot of people’s friends by now. Its cool. I totally respect that sentiment, that need to figure out things independantly of others. She’ll figure out who she is, and I’ll spend a bit more (than I planned) discovering myself. She helped me back up a bit, and i appreciate that.
And we’ll both be better for it.

PS – I violated my own definitions of artist muse relations, by persuing a muse. She is a deity and should give me the cold shoulder naturally. I could have predicted this. See my preior post accordingly. It’s really a gift – spurned persuit results in much more to write. I knew and again know, now.

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Comments»

1. lostininerspace - November 5, 2005

I’m glad you decided to end your solitary promenade. Admittedly a little jealous, but she must be wonderful and well worth it. Things WILL work themselves out. Oh, and don’t worry about pursuing a muse, I don’t think anything else would suit you.
yours truly
-Jessey

2. skewgee - November 6, 2005

you understand me far too well

3. lostininerspace - November 6, 2005

that statement is bisexual.
be well
-Jess

4. skewgee - November 7, 2005

ought to be, because we’re all differing degrees of bisexual. kinsey is power.


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