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What is love? November 22, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.

I’m not entirely sure either. I continuously shift between the position of a hopeless romantic and the pragmatist perspective. Of course I do not understand this phenomenon first hand, but I do know a few things. Like figuring out what makes me lastingly happy, I’m not sure what does but I understand what won’t. I’m still shaking off the spring time sensation of puppy love due to my own inexperience with romantic matters.
What I do have at my disposal is the influence of other’s experience. Thus far it has served my benefit, and I’d like to impart my understanding of the phenomena to you as well.

Love is more than words. Falling in love is not necessarily being in love. Love is more than a feeling intigated by fun. Real love, the kind that outlasts the illusions that created certain expected emotions, takes things much further by excepting flaws in people in addition to their beautiful, romantic qualities. (no one has let me get past that roadblock quite yet). Nay, it is not just a rush of romantic experiences, making other’s laugh, or the euphoria of sensual pleasure. Of course these are valid expressions of admiration in another, but they are not lasting because they do not agknowledge the care for another the way that investing in another’s well being does.
Real love takes effort, and works that express affection and appreciation of the person in the full. Lots of people run on the illusion popularly entertained that love is star crossed. But sustainable, tangible effects of a romantic relationship are necessary for their persistance. Of course the institution of marriage is a culturally imposed idea of love, and there are many unhappy marriages. Real love takes effort, because it means loving someone else.
You cannot simply love someone else because you they love you either. Love encompases an appreciation of them yes, but that appreciation should be mutual and encompassing. These works of helping each other out become real becuase of problems they have, and not percieved problems. Love is of course a mutually beneficial phenomenom.
You have to love yourself as well. Can you love anyone without respect for yourself? After all, your own needs as a creative, living being need to be met by your partner. You must to recognize the need for self improvement in order to accept the assistance of someone else. They cannot save you from your problems, in themselves addictions to antagonistic behavior, without your effort as well.

parents worry about violence and obsenity in art. what people never seem to worry about for impressionable youth are thousands upon thousands of artworks about heartbreak and loniless. Even I am drawing the previous two sentances from the romantic comedy work of “High Fidelity”. I loved music first, and will always love the music. What goes into it in experience comes out easily. Life leaves an impression on art, and art leaves an impression, and expectations on our lives. If so, then what does art teach us about love? Nothing if we do not create our own work in its aftermath.

If love is a passing emotion, as the euphoria of chemical induction, then it never really was love. It was a reaction to stimuli that fail to persist. The phenomena is not unlike a drug, and therefore it is an altered-state that does not reflect our tangible, recognizable existence. Should love persist, it would be evident that it were a concious experience. The result of a created reality.

Somedays like this I wonder about my own failures in these reguards. Perhaps the people I was most likely to form romantic relationships have been in my company all along. Or passed by after my lack of effort detered them. I can only hope for opportunity to present itself, but I should be making these efforts myself. Are they out there

Love is a trust. You rely on things without thinking about them all the time. Something will always be availible, and you take notice when it is absent. In order to form a persistant phenomenom, it has to be there. Then it is appearant that love is a continual process. It takes an ongoing effort of building love for another to make it something not just possible, but existing. Trust is the process of proving your and their being. It is not a state, but an active effort to construct a mutually beneficial relationship.
Trust is absent without honesty. Deception is the illusion, and deception rather than an agknowledgement of an active being, the relatioship between people, cannot be true love.
That requires a flexible openess, because human beings are fallible and irrational. We consistantly do things to our detriment. Love is a logical fallicy. Luckily human beings are also fallible and creative by nature.

(In no part of this essay have I endorced monogamy as a necessarity. I do endorse the human longing for higher meaning, possible through a loving relationship between people.)

Please try remembering that love is more than words, but it is an emotional relationship dependant upon behavior (works by any other words). Be well.


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