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24 frames a second December 3, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.
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Sweet slumber on a still winter morning. Woken from the wonderous world of dreams into my kitten poucing me on top of my sheets, I allow myself open to the day. Sleeping in is what I want for christmas. Well, that and a normalized sleep cycle.
We’re working on that. In the meantime, there is claymation on the television this morning. The kind of christmas tales on celuloid forgotten in the wake of the more famous stories. There’s the flying circus for Christmas in July, where the usual gang is terrorised by an evil wizard. There is rudolf and santa and frosty there, but it gets weirder.
I just watched The Life and Times of Santa Claus on the James Dobson Channel (aka ABC Family). It is a mystical tale of the council of immortals in the forest of Berzen, and how Saint Nick was given the mantle of immortality. “War on Christmas” Bill O’Reilly would be a raging mess if he turned on his television to this today. From the formal procession of the wind gods, the master of all animals, and the nymphs of the forest, we recall the case for Claus the man child to become immortal. From his discovery by Ark, the master of Berzen, he was given to the lioness to be raised. A nymph who heard of this took him from that care, only to beg to raise him as a mother. If there’s one thing a nymph ought to understand, its the urge for procreation. Claymaters get bored, kind of like Animetors and Hentai.
Anyway, since Ark was the law, he could change his own laws to allow it at will. And Claus grew up to enter the mortal world, with the assistance of a couple immortals. His only guiding princible was to solve the sadness of the world by following his own life and love like a star. And to spread that goodwill. He even witnesses war, and is perplexed why man would fight on the account of disagreements. Peace on earth – clearly a pagan value (that will be at the top of exit polls come next november).
Only later on do we see him emerge as a gift giver, because there is nothing sweeter than a child’s smile (except perhaps a kitten, if you ask the children). His wooden kitten was a hit, and i nearly jumped for joy as Claus created the world’s first “toy” in the image of a black kitten. Christmas commercialism in the image of egyptian deities.

Blah Blah Blah, Blah. I’m coo-coo for claymation. 24 carefully arranged frames a second to construct a story nearly an hour in length. Perhaps this is all the result of those caffinated mexican jumping beans ground into coffee. My nose is glowing, and so now I must support the advertisers of this fine programming (such as clearasil). The persistance of vision.

I have to go now. “Lester, the long-eared christmas donkey” is about to begin.

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