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How am I not myself? December 7, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.

The thought has been hitting me lately: how much have I acted on another’s behest? I am still quite sensitive to the suggestions of others, but really I accept them because of my own insecurity.
I needn’t continue this disasterous behavior. I understood that drinking was causing me trouble, but it has only occured to me in sobriety how much so. I was actively dismissing myself, often at the instigating of others. My selfish act was actually to my detriment in my relationships with other people.
Of course that isn’t the entire conflict in motion. I don’t need to change for anybody but myself. I will always remain open to new perspectives, but I have to accept them for myself. Information is pliable in its use, so correct me in my mistakes if you will. As a matter of perspective however, I will not accept any notions just because you say so.

I am who I choose to be. There’s a lot to it in how I interact with other social beings, and there are far reaching consequences of my actions. I’m not going to suggest that I don’t make bad decisions or mistakes (or that I even learn from them), but I’m pretty happy with who I am. I make more good decisions than bad ones, and if anyone else thinks my decision is bad for me they ought to know that it isn’t their decision to make. I will consider your concerns, but ultimately only I can make the best decision based on that situation for myself.
I have a lot to offer other people, and advice isn’t always my best suit. But I will at least give you a chance to talk about it. I’d hope you’d do the same for me, because I don’t need to maintain relationships with people who don’t share the same respect for me. I am a generous person (and appearantly not so humble) who can be a balst to hang out with, but I needn’t waste too much of my time to prove that to anyone.

If anyone needs me, give me a call. If you need help and I can in some way, I’ll give it a try. But don’t ask me to change who I am for your sake. I understand if the change is in my best interest and will take it into consideration, but it’s my change to make. Otherwise, don’t expect me to waste my time maintaining a friendship at your behest. I am very comfortable with who I am, and if you can’t accept that where’s the appreciation in friendship besides how I can help you.

I am who I want to be. That’s me.



1. eazymeat6969 - December 7, 2005

methinks if you’re truly happy where you are, then drinking (and drugs, and sex and rock-n-roll, and any addiction you can name) won’t be a problem. why? because it becomes a choice again!

you made the choice to stop drinking, right? alcoholism genes notwithstanding, you’ve made a step in the right direction. this means that prior to that, you made several steps in the right direction with your life. and i think you have.

keep that up, and shit son…someday you’re gonna be cool as a cucumber.

2. homeless_spork - December 8, 2005

I may be around this next semester to mold you… I am applying to UMSL for this semester (and only this semester)

3. skewgee - December 8, 2005

i don’t need anyone’s approval on this, but thank you for your support.

PS – I’m so cool, I make that cucumber look like a squash

4. skewgee - December 8, 2005

molding unnecessary, whether in form or on deteriorating food stuffs

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