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See me when the sun comes out December 30, 2005

Posted by Matt Hurst in Uncategorized.
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It was the kind of eerily quiet day where cares sank from mind through the mental fog of a relative morning. Occassionally awoken to the stirs and laughs of friends who had stayed overnight, I went in and out of slumber until the obscene hour of 3 (in the afternoon). Barely succumbed from the restful night, I took careful time coming back into the artificial light in the isolation chamber under overcast skies. The chilly wind only hinted at the full return of winter, with something sinister carried in the air.
Its that time of year again. For years now, myself and those around me have been strewn in misery during the few days before the new year arrived. You’d think the occurance might be connected with me, if only because of the subjective observation. But I am begining to learn this seems to be a problem with everyone I meet during the wake of Christmas’ good will.
Is it the raised expectations or egos of christmas reception, or the drastic awareness of credit card debt looming? Is it the coming together of young people between studies, forming new antagonisms back home to fill the new found free time? Is it a renewed engagement with conflicts thought left behind as we come back together, or just the opportunity to severe existing connections before they too become as the old ones? Any, and possibly all, are true as far as I can discern.
I’ve come close to losing good friends so many times in this season. I’ve seen good couples thrown together and torn apart within the span of a couple weeks, on this anual basis. The worst part is hardly knowing, because this season that drives us indoors from the bitter coldness outside also seems to drive us into ourselves and away from others. So when we come together, seldom a word is spoke in this period. If I’m hurt when my friends hurt, than it’s more so when I have no way of helping. It is a helpless season, with a hopeless skyline in the solstice.
Maybe it’s a good thing New Year’s is on a weekend, but it also might be a keen time to start reading a book. At least therin the melodrama is contained to fantasy, rather than a constructed reality.

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